Do you know that feeling when nothing is ever good enough?
No matter what you do, you think it could have been better. You may have done your best, but inside, a voice whispers, “You could have done better.” That good feeling of satisfaction never comes. What remains? Internal pressure and thoughts like, “I should have done more. That wasn’t good enough.”
Even though perfectionism is often equated with positive qualities and sounds like a strength at first glance, it is exactly the opposite. Perfectionism stems from deep-rooted beliefs that you are not good enough and must not make mistakes. Perfectionists measure their worth by their successes and see defeats or mistakes as weaknesses, and that is precisely what slows them down.
In our society, perfectionism is often admired. I remember answering the question about my weaknesses in job interviews with, “I’m a perfectionist.” But the interviewers seemed to think that was great. They saw absolutely no problem with it.
But the truth is: perfectionism costs us time, energy, joy – and often the courage to try something new.
Perfectionism was my companion for a long time. I wanted to do everything right the first time, and no matter what I did, I never felt it was good enough. But I’ve learned to allow myself to be a beginner and to make mistakes. Because mistakes are not a sign of weakness. They are human and part of life. Besides, they don’t affect your worth in the slightest.
In this article, you’ll learn why perfectionism makes you unhappy in the long run – and how you can learn to tame it. Not through control, but through compassion. For yourself.
Unattainable standards put you under constant pressure
You want to do your best – and there’s nothing wrong with that. But what you expect of yourself is often simply inhuman.
This attitude manifests itself in all areas of life: at work, in relationships, in appearance – and sometimes even in the smallest things, such as housework or your morning routine.
What this does to you:
Constantly excessive expectations do not lead to more success – but to exhaustion, self-doubt and the paralysing feeling of never being good enough. The more you achieve, the higher the bar rises – and true satisfaction falls by the wayside.
Healing thought:
“Good enough” is really good! You are already valuable without having to prove anything. You are allowed to be a beginner. You are allowed to learn, make mistakes, take breaks, and you are allowed to be kind to yourself – because that’s exactly what you deserve.
2. Fear of mistakes paralyzes you
You’re afraid of doing something wrong – so you hesitate. You plan, optimize, overthink every little detail… and in the end, you don’t move an inch.
Maybe you want to start exercising, but you don’t go to the gym because you think you’re not fit enough yet. That may sound absurd when you read it – but that’s exactly what a friend recently told me. And honestly? I could totally understand her.
But how do you want to get better at something if you don’t dare to start?
Maybe the same fear is keeping you from showing yourself, expressing your opinion, or bringing a project close to your heart into the world. You don’t allow yourself to be a beginner. Instead, you set standards for yourself that, if you’re honest, you can’t possibly meet. (And you don’t have to.)
What this does to you:
This constant fear of failure robs you of the freedom to try things out. But without trying, there is no growth, no real learning, no development.
Healing thought:
Mistakes are not a sign of weakness—they are a sign of humanity, of vitality, and of development.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are allowed to be a beginner—really. You are allowed to start small and make mistakes along the way. That is exactly where your strength comes from.
3. You can’t enjoy your successes
No sooner have you achieved something than your gaze wanders on to the next goal, the next improvement. Instead of feeling happy, a quiet thought creeps in: “Yes, but… that wasn’t everything. I need to achieve more.”
I remember many exams or written assignments that I put an enormous amount of time and energy into. The grades were good or even very good. And yet it didn’t feel like a real success. The grades didn’t seem to be sufficient reward for the effort I had put in. I was rarely truly satisfied with myself.
What this does to you:
You rob yourself of the joy of success. And the feeling of being allowed to be proud of yourself falls by the wayside. You rush from one goal to the next – without ever really arriving.
Healing thought:
Allow yourself to pause. Appreciate what you have achieved – even if it seems small to you. Success often begins quietly: in the moment when you recognize how much you have given – and that it is enough.
4. You procrastinate – out of fear of not being perfect
You have an idea, a goal, a project – but you don’t get started. Or you start half-heartedly, with only half the courage. That’s how I felt about this blog for a long time. I hesitated for months to put it online because I thought, “It’s not good enough yet.”
But why, really? And even if it wasn’t, what would be so bad about that? So it’s not perfect. I’m growing with every step. I’m learning, I’m developing – and that’s enough.
The biggest success for me wasn’t the blog itself, but that I overcame my perfectionism and left my comfort zone.
Why is it often so difficult to get started? Because deep down you believe, “If I don’t do it perfectly, it’s not worth it.” And so you keep putting it off – the very thing that is actually close to your heart.
What this does to you:
This procrastination is a protective mechanism – but it makes you unhappy in the long run. You remain on hold in your own life.
Healing thought:
It’s better to start imperfectly than to wait forever. Every little step counts – even if it’s shaky. Because you’re moving, and that’s all that matters.
5. Your inner critic is loud and harsh
You may not notice it right away, but the voice in your head is merciless. It comments on everything you do – critically, harshly, sometimes even really meanly. And the worst part? You believe it.
How this affects you:
This inner harshness makes you doubt yourself. It robs you of your self-confidence, prevents you from realizing your potential – and gets in your way much more often than you may realize.
How are you supposed to develop, be motivated, or feel joy when you constantly belittle yourself in your thoughts?
Healing thought:
Observe your inner voice – and start to consciously change it. You don’t have to silence it right away. But you can learn to speak to yourself in a more loving, patient, and encouraging way. Just as you would to a good friend.
6. You also put pressure on others
When you have high expectations of yourself, you often transfer them – completely unconsciously – to others. You want order, control, everything to run “properly.” At first, this sounds like a sense of responsibility, but in everyday life, it can lead to tension – in friendships, relationships, or at work.
I know this well. Order is very important to me personally. For a long time, I was annoyed at work that my colleagues didn’t put things back where they belonged. It stressed me out internally – until I finally realized: it’s pointless. I wasn’t their boss, it wasn’t my job to control everything.
The more I let go of the responsibility of others, the calmer I became. I stopped getting upset with them and started focusing on myself. That brought me a surprising amount of peace.
How this affects you:
When others don’t meet your inner standards, you feel disappointed, annoyed, and maybe even hurt. At the same time, they feel the pressure – and feel unseen or unaccepted.
Healing thought:
True closeness does not come from perfection, but from compassion, openness, and allowing differences. Of course, you can have clear values and expectations—and yes, it’s perfectly okay to detach yourself from people who are not good for you in the long run. But don’t forget: they are only human, just like you. With rough edges, flaws, and mistakes.
7. You are overtaxing yourself – physically and emotionally
You want to juggle everything: job, family, health, personal development – and preferably all at once, immediately, and at the highest level. Breaks? You don’t have time for that. Accepting help? Not really – you want to do it all on your own.
But who are you trying to prove something to? And why?
How this affects you:
This constant stress is wearing you out. You’re functioning, but you’re no longer living. Your energy is declining, your joy is fading, and at some point your body will let you know: with sleep problems, exhaustion, or illness.
Healing thought:
You’re not here to manage everything perfectly. You don’t have to do everything right away. Take your time—and be patient with yourself. You are here to live, to feel, to simply be.
Make space for yourself. Time when you don’t have to achieve anything. Time when you just take care of yourself. Because true self-care not only gives you joy in life—it also gives you the strength to tackle your goals with new energy and inner peace.
8. You miss the moment
Your mind is constantly active – analyzing, planning, rethinking. In doing so, you often miss what is right there: a beautiful moment, a conversation, your own breath.
Maybe you’re sitting with friends or family and you realize that you’re not really there mentally. Instead of enjoying yourself, you’re stressed, restless, somewhere between yesterday and tomorrow. Because you know how much you still want to get done.
The real problem? You’re not in the present. And yet the present is the only thing you’ll ever really have.
What this does to you:
You live in your head, not in your heart. You try to control life – and in doing so, it rushes past you.
Healing thought:
Come back to the moment: breathe. Feel your body. Feel yourself.
The present is the only place where life happens.
Try to live more consciously, to be more present – not perfect, just real. There is nothing to achieve when you are simply there.
9. You lose the joy of life
Everything becomes a chore. Even things you used to enjoy suddenly feel like a chore. After every experience, you ask yourself: “Was that good enough? Could I have given more?”
What this does to you:
The lightness disappears. The playfulness, the laughter, the simplicity. And at some point you ask yourself: Where have I gone? Why am I not happy – even though I achieve so much and do so many things?
Healing thought:
You are allowed to play, laugh, and try things again – without a goal, without a result.
Allow yourself to simply enjoy time. Like a child who doesn’t ask whether they were “productive enough.”
Because true joy does not come from achievement, but from freedom, spontaneity—and a deep yes to yourself.
Letting go of perfectionism is self-love in action
When you begin to let go of the pressure, a new space opens up within you. A space for gentleness, authenticity, compassion – with yourself and with others.
Be patient with yourself. Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t happen overnight. But you can take a small step in the right direction every day.
Don’t forget:
You are not here to be perfect.
You are here to be yourself.
And that is the most valuable thing you can give to the world.
If you want to achieve your goals, you also have to allow yourself breaks – consciously and mindfully.
Let go. And start living.
The courage to be imperfect is the courage to live.
When you let go of perfectionism, you open your heart to what really makes life worth living: authenticity, closeness, joy—and true contentment.
Be gentle with yourself.
You are already enough.
I hope these words have helped you.
All my love,
Liv